precious polaroid film that got stuck on its way out of the camera*
october 18, 2012
expired polaroid 600 film
. . . . . .
this week i realized i had made a mistake… i had missed something i should have caught, and it’s too late to fix it.
i am a stickler for detail. i very rarely forget to do the steps that need to be done. so when i realized my error, i freaked out. i wanted to cry but i was too tired to cry, and it was too late in the evening to contact anyone to assure me that i am not a fucking idiot and that it’ll be ok. my brain went into overdrive, trying to figure out how i could fix it. i came up with a few ideas, but none would fully erase my mistake. i forced myself to go to bed, doing everything i could to not think about it so i could fall asleep.
the next day i woke up, hit snooze a few times, savored a few more minutes in bed, until i remembered my discovery the night before. and my heart sank. i fucked up, and i still can’t fix it. but i didn’t want to dwell on it all day, so i decided that every time i started to think about it, i would try to forgive myself for the mistake and remind myself i can’t be perfect. maybe one of the fixes i came up with the night before wouldn’t be that bad… it wouldn’t totally ruin the aesthetic i wanted… and really, even though my mistake was epic in my head, few people would probably notice. i worked on forgiving myself, which i have never really done before.
yes, i missed something. it still bothers me a little, but i am not savagely beating myself up for it. it’ll be ok.
*not the mistake i am referring to in this post